The Taco Fairy
Vs.
The
Fjord Fairy
Once upon a time, in a place not really all that far away,
there lived
the Taco Fairy. Her real name was Rosa-Lina Chavez, but she had to change her name to the
Taco Fairy because she wasn't a normal human. She was a freak. Her parents were the Tooth
Fairy and the Easter Bunny, who, as everyone knows, are really sister and brother. The
Taco Fairy had three arms, was bald, and always smelled like beans. She was mean,
obnoxious, and violent. However, she was also quite funny, if you happen to find the
things she did humorous.
Anyway, she lived a fairly happy life. She spent her days interrupting
people when they tried to write poems, songs, and other things. She also occasionally
granted people wishes by screaming the magic words "I'm happy!". Unfortunately,
she sometimes got in trouble for beating up old ladies and killing people for no good
reason.
There was one person in all the land who truly admired and loved the
Taco Fairy, and that was Mr. Taco. He was a humble, reserved, quiet man who was content to
spend his time eating tacos. He loved the Taco Fairy so much that he tried to impress her
by bringing her five tacos and five bottles of Jolt Cola. She wolfed down the food,
guzzled the soda, and burped in poor Mr. Taco's face. Mr. Taco was sad, but never gave up
on his love.
Into this land of happiness and chaos, one day arrived an even stranger
stranger. She called herself the Fjord Fairy. She was mean. She was ugly. She was smelly.
She drank pudding. She liked saying the word "fart." The Taco Fairy was angry at
this newcomer, simply because she was a newcomer. The Taco Fairy decided that the Fjord
Fairy must die. To get in shape for the upcoming battle, the Taco Fairy started a strict
diet and exercise program, which consisted of eating tacos and drinking Jolt, and then
running around her house. Mr. Taco noticed the Taco Fairy behaving oddly and told the
Fjord Fairy (whom he was also infatuated with) about it. The Fjord Fairy decided to ambush
the Taco Fairy before she was properly trained. To insure her victory, the Fjord Fairy
asked Mr. Taco to help her, and he agreed.
So, one day, just after the Taco Fairy finished her daily running
around the house, the Fjord Fairy decided to attack. Because The Taco Fairy was on a
caffeine low, she was no match for the Fjord Fairy and Mr. Taco. After five blows to the
head with an old rusty iron pipe, the Taco Fairy died. Her last words were supposedly
"Oh flark! I guess I'm dead!"
Because killing people is against the law, and because she was so mean,
the Fjord Fairy went into hiding, but led the police straight to Mr. Taco.
The Moral of the story is: There might not be a moral, because the story as appears here
might not be true. It was told by Mr. Taco (while in jail) to a reporter named Eli
Hjorden, who promised to print it in every newspaper in return for ten percent of the
profits of Mr. Taco's new book, "I Didn't Really Do it, or Did I?"
Also, since no one has actually seen the Fjord Fairy since the supposed
fight, and the body of the Taco Fairy mysteriously disappeared from the police station,
many people are unsure what actually happened. There is even a rumor that the Fjord Fairy
is really the Taco Fairy, and this whole thing was just a publicity stunt..
The Moral of the moral is: Life is absurd. Many things don't make sense, and you can't
always expect to understand why people do the things they do.